Grandma, you were grand!

My Grandma, Eleanore Jolley, passed away yesterday. The emotion (a combination of sadness, regret, love, happiness, loneliness) I've been feeling at losing her is unique from any other emotion I've felt. I will miss Grandma. She was truly, truly one of my best friends.

Although she was 87 years old, I did not have to put on an act for her, and until the last two years, we didn't have to treat her like an "old" lady. Rather, she was just one of the girls. She could laugh with the best of them; tell the greatest, detailed stories; was 100% nonjudgemental; had enough love (and time) for everyone in her life; was the perfect "listening ear"; could put herself in another person's shoes like no one I've ever known...she was truly fun to be around. I always looked forward to "hanging out" with her. Her sweet personality always brought a smile to my face and made me want to be a kinder, more friendly person. She was my link to my mother -- I felt connected to my mom because of the way Grandma talked about her and always remembered her. She made mom real -- not perfect, just a real, great person.

While I will miss all of these fantastic attributes more than words can say, I am happy for Grandma. Her feeble body couldn't keep up with her amazing spirit. I suppose if she were the type who could sit in a rocking chair and be content for years her body and will might have gone on, but she was not. Her spirit was busy. I believe a piece of her died when my Grandpa, her husband of 60 years, passed away two and half years ago. I think she longed to be with him (although she would never complain). About the time of his death she began rapidly losing her vision and having a lot of health problems (which was very odd for her, she had never spent a night in the hospital until about a year and a half ago).

So, I am happy for her - sad for myself. I wish I'd gone to visit her one more time (I was scheduled to go over President's Day), I wish my Eleanore would know the grand woman she is named after -- and understand why we wanted her carry her name, I wish I could rewind time and not move far away during the last years of many of my loved ones lives. But I can't. All I can do is teach my daughter about the legacy before her and work harder at sustaining strong relationships with those who are still here. Grandma was good at both of those things. For example, I feel like I know her Dad, who died more than 40 years before I was born, because she was great at telling stories and showing photos of him and other important people from her life. And, here is an example of the kind of person my Grandma was: I remember going to visit my grandparents not long after Bryan and I were married. We went out to eat dinner at a Las Vegas hotel (like we always did) and as we were in the elevator, standing in line, in the restroom, etc. Grandma was chatting away with everyone we saw as though they were her old friends. My Grandpa finally said, "El why are you talking to all these people you don't even know?" To which Grandma replied, "They look like nice people, they'll be our friends soon enough."

I will miss Grandma. She definitely earned that title. She was grand. My sister found this song and lyrics seem so perfect for my Grandma:

You Were Grand

All the doctor’s and the nurses
Say your laps are winding down
They’re surprised the way you ran them…gracefully
And it’s hard for them to figure
What’s keeping you around
Unless you’re waiting for a pass
From God and me

(CHORUS)
So I’m calmly here to tell you
I do understand
And it’s time now to look skyward
And rest there in his hands
The hourglass has spoken
Given up it’s sand
But you will never be forgotten…You Were Grand

There’s a picture of my mother
With you some years ago
I think she said that she had recently turned three
You took another with my daughter
And I compared the both
But for greying 'round the edges
You look the same to me

(CHORUS)
And I'm calmly here to tell you
I do understand
And its time now to look skyward
And rest there in his hands
The hourglass has spoken
Given up it's sand
You will never be forgotten
You Were Grand

And you don't need my permission
When it's time for you to go
I'm just glad we had this time to say goodbye
If it's faith or intuition
In God's time you will know
And you'll soar among the clouds
Across the sky

(CHORUS)
And I’m calmly here to tell you
I do understand
And it’s time now to look skyward
And rest there in his hands
The hourglass has spoken
Given up it’s sand
But you will never be forgotten…You Were Grand

I know the newness of your passing
Will have to bring some tears
If you hear them up in heaven... don't despair
For in time we'll turn to laughter
Remembering the years
And I'll keep your smile inside me...everywhere

(CHORUS)
So I’m calmly here to tell you
I do understand
And it’s time now to look skyward
And rest there in his hands
The hourglass has spoken
Given up it’s sand
But you will never be forgotten…You Were Grand
You will always be remembered...You Were Grand
You'll forever be here with us...You Were Grand